When I was writing this originally I wasn’t thinking too hard about the purpose of this exchange between Zeynel and Safiye… and I wasn’t aware of what Volume 2 would eventually become.
I spent a long time during the 10th anniversary remaster determining the central themes of TCM so I could tighten all of the dialogue more effectively towards those themes. For many years now I have assigned Safiye the role of the artisan-storyteller, the face who represents the female workers who made the carpets that Zeynel sells, carpets which are vehicles of story and meaning.
However there’s another element to Safiye, which is her anxiety and imposter syndrome. She views her youth as disadvantageous to her ability to make the carpets her brain dreams of. This is an anxiety she shares with the younger Zeynel and Ayse… and with me in 2016.
It took me until I finished TCM to realise it, but it’s a story about anxiety and uncertainty and how they can be overcome, by time and gentleness and storytelling… and faith. Almost all of the characters go through this transformation, most especially Mora.
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The henna design on Safiye’s hands evokes a carpet’s design, composed of borders and a medallion.
Safiye smirks. “Haha, don’t be funny… I may be good, but not that good.”
Zeynel kindly replies. “Ayse and I expect much of you.”
At this comment, Safiye sighs. Suddenly she is reminded of her smallness. How is she going to explain to her mentor the anxiety she feels inside? The worry of an artist who thinks she is not learned enough for the task? Zeynel is not an artist; he doesn’t have the intimate knowledge of her inner turmoil, but still, she will try.
“Zeynel, you may think me talented, but… weaving still isn’t simple. It isn’t up, down, behold! A carpet!”
With a pause, she reminds herself of her family. The mother she left who taught her the art of weaving and the village she came from that brought her up, even if they stifled her in the end. She continues.
“With my hands I weave not just wool, but my hopes, my dreams, my life! My life... of which I've barely lived. I know so little. My age is a weakness. Do I have what it takes to bring to form a carpet's story? Let alone one of royal grade!”
She turns away. Her heart is full of worry and sadness.
"I feel as if I am a mirage. My potential a miracle at first sight. In reality, dry. That is my biggest fear."
